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22 January 2011 @ 08:30 am
Out There.  
There's a kind of ache that you don't know, a kind of hurt that can't be described if you haven’t felt it. If you tried you might use words like empty (but you’re never really hollow) and lost (but you know exactly where you stand). Its really a crippling pain when it starts you can barely will yourself to move, to get out of bed, to do anything, it just hurts so much. There are many ways to treat it, to deal with it, but really there’s only one cure.~~~

Taeyeon sat in front of her empty plate staring at the ice melting in her glass. She been sitting like that for twenty minutes and the staff were getting a bit worried, there was a line of people just waiting to get in, and it didn’t look like she’d be moving any time soon. Her waitress made a move to clear her dishes off the table to encourage her to settle the bill and be on her way, vacating the table. Just as she was picking up the last dish, a hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back into the kitchen.



“What do you think you are doing?” a tall seemingly irritated girl asked, “Do you have any idea who that is?”



The waitress shook her head, “I was just trying to get her to leave. We’re really busy?”

The taller girl smacked her own forehead, how would Jessica know who that was? “That, Jessica,” she pointed to the woman who was now staring at the crumbs on the table cloth, “is Yuri, you know, your boss Yuri, her best friend.”



“Wait,” Jessica began skeptically, “Yoona, I thought you were her best friend, you always blow me off to hang with her?” 



“No, I’m not that exactly,” Yoona’s cheeks flushed a bright red, “Yuri and Taeyeon have known each other since grade school. Any ways it’s a good thing Yuri didn’t catch you, or you’d be in for it.” Yoona said letting her body reflect the ease that she felt was appropriate, but just as she did, Jessica’s eyes grew wide.



“Catch her at what?” Yuri asked, eyeing her two employees.

“Um… you know…” Yoona stammered, trying to think of something.

But Jessica being a bit dense indicated towards Taeyeon’s table, “I tried to clear that customers table, so she’d be inclined to leave.” Yoona again smacked her own forehead.

Yuri’s agitation at the situation was clearly visible. Yoona placed her hands on both Yuri’s shoulders and pushed her over to a corner in the kitchen.

“That idiot.”

“Yuri…”

“That stupid, stupid girl.”

“Yuri…”

“I should fire her right this…”

“Yuri,” Yoona cooed for the last time. “She just didn’t know.” Yoona reasoned, “Let it go.”

Yuri couldn’t stay angry at Yoona’s reasoning, she broke the eye contact Yoona had locked her in, looking down before saying, “Fine… just, get her out of my sight for now.”

And just then Yoona got an idea in her head.



Three minutes later, Jessica was again approaching Taeyeon’s table, this time shaking her head, this certainly wasn’t in her job description, it didn’t even seem like fair punishment for the tiny mistake she’d made, but she needed this job. 

“Excuse me, Miss Kim, I’ve been asked to get you home.”

For just the briefest of moments Taeyeon thought it was her, she blinked twice, and it was just her waitress. She stood up to follow the girl instructed to take her home, still amazed that she’d thought it was her.

“I’m Jessica, I have your address, but is there any place you’d like to go before I take you home?”

Taeyeon shook her head, she didn’t want to go anyplace, and no matter where her body was, her mind would still be elsewhere. Jessica led the zombie like girl out of the restaurant.

Jessica wasn’t keen on taxicabs so she’d opted to take the subway. As the pair walked towards the station, Jessica began to feel that the melancholy shrouding this girl was unbearable. 

“You seem sad, do you mind if I take you someplace that I think’ll make the world seem a bit brighter?” 

Taeyeon couldn’t see any reason to say no, it was a long shot, a very long shot, that her waitress, could make her feel any better, but what the hell, Yuri had probably called her out of work for the rest of the day and it put off back home where she’d have only the drab walls of her apartment to stare at. So, Taeyeon looked at Jessica and nodded once, thinking, ‘Give it your best shot.’

Jessica smiled. They got on to the subway, it was two pm it was crowed people heading out and back from lunch dates, it was going to be a long ride, it would take them almost to the very end of the line. So the moment a seat opened up she pushed Taeyeon into it.

Standing in front of Taeyeon, Jessica looked at her, examined her, she was pretty, petite and well dressed, but everything else about her screamed that she was miserable. “Taeyeon,” Jessica said, “What’s got you so down?” Jessica was curious.

Taeyeon typically avoided talking about it, but frankly, she was hoping that she’d find something cathartic in telling it to a complete stranger. “It’s more of a who than a what,” she began. “I doubt you’d know how it feels but imagine, a person that you’d live you life for, do anything for. I gave her all my everything, I’d have given her every last drop of my being if she’d asked.”

Taeyeon heaved a heavy sigh. They were at another stop there was a shuffling of the crowd and the seat next to Taeyeon opened up and Jessica sat down, still trying to imagine what that would be like, having some one to live for. She found the notion mildly inconceivable, she was young, barely over 21 years, but Taeyeon didn’t really look much older than her, she’d never been in love, so she took the concept as an abstract. The best she could figure it to be was a sort of bliss that you’d exchanged your sense of security for, a joy that could only be experienced if you’d let yourself be completely vulnerable for. She shuddered, she couldn’t imagine giving that much up for the love of one person. 

“And in that state, Sunny crushed me, she used me, she broke me.”

Jessica shuddered yet again; she knew something of that kind of pain. She understood now. She grabbed for Taeyeon’s hand and held it. It was all she could think to do, and they rode the rest of the way like that, without another word between them.

At the stop Jessica pulled Taeyeon out of the subway, and out from the underground. She wasn’t certain but she was pretty sure that Taeyeon might enjoy at least a tiny bit the place she was taking her. She smiled at that thought, and so with Taeyeon’s hand in hers she led her to her special place.

Taeyeon looked around, she didn’t know this area, it was near the end of the subway line, on the outskirts of Seoul. It was a bit rundown, and kind of shabby. If she were alone she would have felt quite uncomfortable, but she had Jessica and she was holding her hand and she felt completely at ease.

They stopped in front of a shabby looking high-rise building. Jessica just strolled right in and waved at the guard on duty, he nodded his head at her and turned back to the variety show he was watching. Jessica pressed the up button for the lift and stood back waiting for it to arrive.

“Jessica, where are we? Are you sure this is okay?” Taeyeon asked, she wasn’t really doubting her; it was just a bit strange. The lift arrived and a bell dinged indicating that they should step in. Jessica pressed the button for the 15th floor.

“Yep, as long as this old elevator makes it.” Jessica said with a small smirk. “I come here all the time… well I used to, I don’t come as often any more. We’re lucky the sun’s still up.”

After what felt like and eternity on the lift, the two stepped out and Jessica dashed the two of them up a set of stairs, she barged out through the door and just stopped. Taeyeon ran into her back but she didn’t say a thing as she took in the view around her.

“You see that,” Jessica said waving her arm, “She’s somewhere out there, I’m sure of it.” The way Jessica said that it seemed to Taeyeon that she wasn’t talking about Sunny but someone else. Jessica walked over the railing at the edge of the rooftop they were standing on.

“I found this place when I was little, around eight, I think, my mother worked as a receptionist and couldn’t afford after school lessons or a babysitter in the afternoons, so my sister and I would occupy ourselves running around the building, even back then there weren’t many people working here. We’d come here every day after school, Sam, the security guard would fix us a small snack and we’d usually watch TV with him for a while. One day, I rode the elevator all the way up, and for some reason that door wasn’t locked and I found this place.” She paused, if it were a movie it would have been for dramatic effect, but this was real life and she was smiling at the memory.

“Another day, not too long after that, we came like any other day, we ate our snacks, every thing was normal but something felt… funny. It was getting late, near the time we left every day, and Sam called us over, he told us our mother and her boss had left at lunch and hadn’t returned yet. He told us he was sure that maybe they were just running late, or had gotten held up somewhere. But I knew she wasn’t coming back, Sam let us stay with his family for the next few nights, but it was a strain keeping two young girls around. And like any kids that were abandoned, we were sent off to an orphanage. I came here that last night and I looked out over the city, she had to be somewhere out there, you know?”

Taeyeon knew that wasn’t the kind of question that needed an answer, Jessica was no longer smiling, she was perhaps a bit teary, but from behind her Taeyeon couldn’t quite tell, it didn’t matter. She stepped forward and hugged Jessica.


Jessica gently broke from the hug and sniffed hard, “Oh no, this isn’t right I’m supposed to be making you feel better not sharing my sob story.” She wiped her cheeks and smiled. “I want you too look out there, that Sunny, she’s out there and she’s living well. You know what you’re going to do? You’re going go back down there and you’re going to live well too, forget every thing she did, leave it right up here.”

The two stood looking out as the sun began setting over the city, each looking for something different among the buildings. They sat for a long while, sharing not only the space but some unspoken bond was forming between the two and when it got cold they went back down to the lobby and Jessica held Taeyeon’s hand again.

They reached the bottom and Jessica squeezed Taeyeon’s hand and said, “And I’m sure you’ll live better than her with me by your side.” They stepped off the lift both with smiles on their faces.

“Now, I’ve got to get you home.” Jessica said as she put her hand out to call a taxi.


A/N- hi there, its my first fic on lj. i posted this on ssf a while back, but i wanted to tryout posting something on here because i want to do an lj only ongoing,
i'd love crit/feedbacks, and um... im looking for a beta if you're interested.
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pooperscooper11pooperscooper11 on January 22nd, 2011 11:58 pm (UTC)
its not bad. although i found it rushed in how Jessica just felt like showing something very important to her to a total stranger. but other than that very well done for your first work. update soon. i love taengsic!